EVIL AXELS ACADEMY AWARDS – 2002

Here are my picks for this Sundays awards…Not who I think WILL win, but who SHOULD win.These are the few, the strong, the majestic…Those whose names would grace the card, if only I ruled the AMPAS… I’m going to leave out a few of the “lesser” categories, only in the name of expedience and space conservation…With that in mind, let’s start with the Acting categories.BEST SUPPORTING ACTORA close contest, with Chris Cooper and John C. Reilly both bringing their A-game. But, come on man! It’s really all about Paul Newman vs. the indomitable Walken. The Winner, with a twitchy wink and a slight head bob…Christopher… Walken… I need… more… cowbell!!BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESSAnother tough choice, with a list including Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore. This one is between the Windy City Mamas… Queen Latifah and Catherine Zeta Jones. Winner? C-Z-J by a belly!!BEST ACTORWho is the best actor? Adrien Brody, Michael Caine, Daniel Day-Lewis and Nicky Cage all put in great performances, but this one is all about Jack.Winner…Jack Motherhumpin’ Nicholson!!!BEST ACTRESSThis is the one category where there is no comparison. None of these ladies approaches the magnificence of Roxie. Winner…Rene Zellweger… ngung!Now on to the Shorts…I have not seen a single BEST SHORT FILM – LIVE ACTION so let’s call it a 5 way tie…BEST SHORT FILM – ANIMATED on the other hand, I am all over…MIKE’S NEW CAR, by a lot…Writing?BEST SCREENPLAY – ORIGINALY TU MAMA TAMBIEN edges out MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING by a slight margin…BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAYGotta be ADAPTATION, I mean, c’mon – how does this in any way resemble the ORCHID THIEF? They take it purely on the Cojones factor.Technical…VISUAL EFFECTSTHE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS grabs Yoda by the ears and smacks that Monkey…SOUND/SOUND EDITINGI have amalgamated these into one tidy category and awarded the resulting honors to…THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERSMAKEUPSo what if it’s not nominated… (what kind of horsesh*t is that anyways?)THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERSCOSTUME DESIGN/ART DIRECTIONCHICAGO… Rene Zellweger and C-Z-J in the shimmery silver things? Made me feel all shimmery… another two-fer category… Hey! That “Cellblock Tango” set was the greatest Musical set piece since JAILHOUSE ROCK.FILM EDITINGTHE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERSCINEMATOGRAPHYCHICAGO… That last dance sequence? WOW! Shimmery!And now for the Big Uns…BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILMWhat in Mexican Hell? Where is Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN???I gotta go with EL CRIMEN DE PADRE AMARO, although I’m very dissapointed in you Mejicanos…BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATUREOnly one choice…BOWLING FOR COLUMBINEBEST ANIMATED FEATUREThe crew’s gonna kill me for betraying their beloved Disneyesque fare, but I have to give it to the unbelievable SPIRITED AWAY. And, reallyTREASURE PLANET? Getouttaheah!BEST DIRECTORIt has to be done… No Peter Jackson? Then there can be only one…SCORCESE!!!!And the biggest one of all…BEST PICTURETHE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS and CHICAGO in an unforseen tie?WOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!!!Viggo slays Richard Gere as Merry and Pippin get jiggy with Roxie and the girls!!! Booo-yaaaaaaaaaaaa!See ya on Monday…

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